Self-assertiveness is about respecting and believing in yourself. Being consistent with your values, beliefs and behaviours. Having the ability to express your opinions and feelings in a way that also respects the rights of others.
Although a person may have learned to act in a non-assertive way, they can learn to become more assertive. Developing self-assertiveness dramatically helps you to reclaim your personal identity, self-value and express your personal power, by identifying and letting go of feelings of guilt and unwarranted obligation. Essentially, it’s about being confident when openly speaking your true thoughts, feelings and emotions in a positive and non-harmful manner.
Self-assertiveness is designed to be transformational, its roots lie in the early 1940s as a means of overcoming psychological crisis due to a state of disunity with oneself. Self-assertiveness has evolved over time - growing into a method of activating latent human potential. However, no matter how it has evolved, its origins are deeply rooted in psychology.
If you often feel
Indecisive - anxiety - frustration - resentment - stressed - depressed - lowered self-esteem - not listened to - over-burdened - self-doubt - lowered self-value - physically pained - enraged - overwhelmed - negative - regretful of things said - regretful of things not said - emotionally exhausted - self-sabotaging - self-destructive - approval seeking - hurtful towards others - imposter syndrome - manipulated - reactive - inauthentic
You may be experiencing repressed thoughts, feelings or emotions. These negative experiences are common by-products of not expressing yourself and your needs. These trapped feelings and emotions are potentially causing psychological and physical damage to you, and those around you. As you are probably aware it is, unfortunately, a cyclic pattern. To break free requires honest and deep personal introspection and the development of healthy self-expression.
This Self-assertiveness training gives you the knowledge and skills to start on the journey of the life position of I’m OK: You’re OK, which is characterised as an increase in:
- Self-respect and respect for others
- Positive thoughts and beliefs about self and others
- Belief that he/she is responsible for thoughts, feelings and behaviours
- Seeing conflict as an opportunity for transformation and change
- Positive self-esteem
- Comfortability & security within self
- Awareness of feelings
- Trusting of self and others
- Connecting with self and others
- Using “I” statements
- Making eye contact
- Listening to others
- Addressing people directly
- Engaging with others, asking open questions and is curious
- Open body posture and use of gestures that reflect content
- Asking for feedback from others
- Giving positive & constructive feedback to others
Dealing with others and the games we play
This self-assertiveness training will expand your awareness of yourself and others, it is imperative that you are educated about the personalities that may actively try to prevent you from being self-assertive.
If you have managed to get through life unscathed by the crippling effects of; passive aggressive, divisive, manipulative, or narcissistic personalities, then you are either extremely fortunate or you might be one (and not know it yet). Otherwise, you know exactly what I’m talking about.
Learning to spot the games, bounce back quickly, see things for what they really are and not taking ownership of other people’s emotions, these are the skills that will help you do more than survive.
A matter of culture
Studies from the University of Otago on Tall Poppy Syndrome in New Zealand indicate that we have a culture that encourages people to keep their heads down, not make a fuss, move on, get over it, and above all, to be humble. To concern ourselves with what other’s think over and above our own needs. In essence, to put the perceived needs of others before our own.
We are encouraged to not make others feel insecure by becoming more noticed, liked, successful or wealthy. This is a socially embedded belief system that’s prohibiting us from reaching our true potential and ultimately serving others. - we can only stretch a helping hand to others, once we have found solid footing for ourselves.
What's involved, what are we going to learn?
- What is assertiveness & the history behind it
- 4 habits of assertive personalities
- Assertive rights
- Assertive responsibilities
- Commitment & consistency: Planning for success
- Narcissism & the need to feel special
- Narcissism spectrum: Echoists & Narcissists
- 5 early warning signs
- Common trends: Family, friends, co-workers & bosses
- Manipulation traps
- Self-respect & respect for others
- Life positions & where it comes from
- Values identification
- Case study
- Self-image & self-limiting beliefs
- Belief change
- Case analysis
- Best self
- 18 questions & interpersonal closeness
- The 5 people you spend the most time with
- Voicing your values
- Assertiveness techniques
- Verbal techniques
- Commitment & consistency: Where to from here
Where does this information come from?
All the information in this training is resourced and researched from specialists in their fields of psychology, social and behavioural science.
- Claire Alan & Nesta Reeve, Clinical Psychologists
- Eric Berne, Psychotherapist
- Ellen Berscheid & Elaine Hatfield, Social Psychologists
- Sue Bishop, Psychic Intuitive
- Donn Byrne, Personality & Social Psychologist
- Dale Carnegie, Writer & Lecturer
- Robert B. Cialdini, Professor
- David Drachman (Professor and chair emeritus of neurology), Andre DeCarufel (Associate Professor), & Chester Insko (Author)
- Thomas Anthony Harris, Author
- Praticia Jakubowski & Arthur Lange, Author
- Arnold Lazarus, Psychologist
- Dr Craig Malkin, Psychologist
- Ivelina Peneva & Stoil Mavrodiev, Authors
- Shân Rees (Trainer) & Roderick Graham (Psychologist & Psychotherapist)
- Manuel Smith, Clinical Experimental Psychologist
- Anni Townend, Leadership consultant, executive coach and writer
- Alan Williams (Consultant & Coach) & Steve Payne (Executive coach, actor & writer)
How will your business benefit from self-assertive employees?
There are many benefits from thinking deeply about who we are and what we want our lives to be.
Of the many benefits you can achieve, these three are interconnected: time, energy and mind space.
It's literally exhausting not being assertive. You exhaust time, engaging in games absent minded activities or addictions to cope with feelings of lowered self-value and a cycle of guilt. With games, you win some and you lose some, sometimes you're up and sometimes you're down. These games take vast amounts of energy, they are distracting and consuming. All of these consume valuable mind space that can be dedicated to achieving the things you have always wanted!
Take control of your time, energy and mind space and you can achieve great things.
- Gain self-confidence and self-esteem
- Understand and recognise your feelings
- Earn respect from others
- Improve communication
- Create win-win situations
- Improve your decision-making skills
- Create honest relationships
- Gain more job satisfaction
- Improve self-image
- Improve understanding of others
- Improve self-awareness
- More time and more energy
- Improve workload management
Michael’s 20 years of experience in personal and professional development and his studies with Dr Richard Bolstad and Dr Rich Allen combining Neuro-Linguistic Programming and Accelerated Adult Learning, have enabled him to develop an astute awareness of what works effectively when facilitating groups on developmental topics.
Michael creates an environment that invites people to open up and be honest with themselves. Sharing powerful self-discoveries that promote insights into the complexities that are affecting themselves and others.
Lilia Tarawa is a #1 bestselling author, speaker and holistic lifestyle coach. She was born into New Zealand's infamous religious cult, Gloriavale, and broke free at eighteen years old.
In the 'real world' Lilia drifted not really knowing who she was. Now she's found a calling to 'empower people to live meaningful, passionate lives that belong to them'. Her life experience compelled her to a career promoting personal empowerment.
"Amazing range of value. Skills learned can overlap in different areas of business and personal life - I cannot wait to put it into use."
"Self-reflection and values - learning how they influence me and to recognise they drive how I feel so now I know what to look for and how to reframe my behaviours around others and the situation at hand."
"It was really detailed, and evidence/research based on tools to dig in deeper which was helpful. It was really practical too. I didn't think assertiveness would be that interesting, but it was totally interesting and really valuable."
"Great facilitators, really personable and helpful - really enjoyed them. Good workbook - what I like about this most, is that you can go back to it and it is actually teaching you lessons for life, that you can refer back to, do exercises with and remember."
"Great workshop - amazing and relevant content. I appreciate that they gave us further information to look into the resources further and that the workbook was framed so that I could go home and do some work independently. this suits my style and is helpful for when I look back on it later. the environment they created was great too, I felt listened to and relaxed and so happy to share, this really encouraged me when we got to the parts I found difficult. so good. thank heaps :)"
"It was a really well-crafted course, really valuable and engaging. It was a really high calibre and I would be really happy to recommend it. I will be taking away ideas to share with my team."
For more information, check out our website or feel free to call Michael Philpott on 021 180 4697
Also, talk to us about Regional Business Partner Network Capability Vouchers, you or your staff might be eligible.